Friday, April 7, 2017

Things Mom Knows

There are so many things I just know about my kids. Little habits and idiosyncrasies that are embedded into the way I parent, because day in and day out this is what I do. I know things that, if done in just the right way, bring success to our day, and if not, LOOK OUT.  I know where things are, what bodily functions have been one by who, and which child will eat what (well, usually). My brain is full. I might not remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday morning (I mean, besides coffee. Always coffee.) but here are some things I do know:

Like how to get a photo where everyone is in focus, even if they're not all looking at the camera. Just hire a professional.
  • Don't give grapes to the baby until the end of the meal, otherwise it's all he will eat and you will spend the rest of your life cutting grapes into teeny-tiny pieces.
  • Where the secret stash of snacks in the diaper bags is.
  • The proper way to serve Frozen cheese cubes. (Rip open one side of the wrapper. Rotate the cheese 90-degrees, placing it back inside the wrapper so it sticks out, but the wrapper remains so they can see their favorite character and use it as a holder for the cheese. Point deduction if you dare to rip any part of Elsa's face or Olaf's carrot nose.)
  • The words to every Daniel Tiger jingle.
  • Which socks are too difficult for the baby to pull off his own feet.
  • Which aisles to avoid at the store with the kids.
  • The correct child to give the green, pink, blue, or yellow plate.
  • Whose turn it it so pick out a bedtime story, dump the chocolate chips in the mixing bowl, or choose what type of fruit snacks they'll be eating for the week.
  • That if you wait to get the free piece of fruit/cookie until RIGHT before you go through the check-out, it will (usually) buy you enough time to do so in peace.
  • Which cry needs to be tended to immediately, and which not so much.
  • Who's pooped today.
  • That the baby wears mostly 12-month clothes, but a lot of the 18-month stuff is starting to fit, and there's a couple pairs of 9-month pants that actually fit pretty great still. The girl toddler is firmly in 3T, except a lot of 2T shirts still fit okay and 3T jeans are usually too big but the 2T ones fit well in the waist so they work if they are long enough, and we're saving some of the 2T leggings that are too short in the drawer to use as capris, come actual warm spring weather. Meanwhile the boy toddler can wear either 2T or 3T shirts, but bottoms remain a mystery since some of the 3T ones fit, though it depends on the brand and whether or not they have an actual functioning drawstring around waist, otherwise 2T fits best so long as the length is okay, but then we get into shorts and I think there are still some 18 month ones from last summer that will work just fine. The moral of the story is that you can never get any of the clothing bins put away in storage for good. Ever. 
  • How much milk is left in the fridge.
  • Who wants peanut butter on their toast, who prefers "just butter", and who doesn't even want their bread to be toasted.
  • The exact location of BOTH pink slippers, where the blue sippy cup with the green handle is, and where the purple block for the shape sorter was last seen.
  • That when they request "Coming 'Round the Mountain" in the car, it is track number 19. However, when they request "Coming 'Round the Mountain" they not only want to listen to track 19, but also the instrumental music on track 18, which they view as some sort of intro. Skip past track 18 at your own risk.
  • How long everyone napped today, to the minute.
  • The locations of the five nearest coffee shops with a drive-thru.
  • How many pairs of toddler underwear are left before you need to do laundry again. And even when it seems all hope is lost and the bottom of the underwear drawer stares back at you, there is always a spare in the diaper bag. Just remember to replenish it later.
My parents will be taking over for the next few days while Tyson and I escape on a little getaway to meet our new niece (bonus points for also being in a warmer climate!). Mom and Dad: GOOD FREAKING LUCK.


  1. This is so great. I can SO relate. *high five* :)

    1. Seriously, NO ONE ELSE can do what we do all day with our own kids! It's ridiculous