Friday, May 13, 2016

What It's Like to Have Three Kids Under Three

After having three kids in two years (two years and two days, to be exact), a lot of people want to know what it's like. I get it, they're curious. Having three kids in two years (twins and then another) doesn't even sound like something that should be biologically possible. Most of the couples I know are on their first, if they have kids at all, and here we are with three. I'm so used to the chaos that I forget what this actual three-kid circus must look like to an outsider. Here's a little summary:

  1. There's a lot of crying.  From all sides.
  2. Success is now defined as all three kids napping at the same time.
  3. I haven't had a grown-up song stuck in my head for a very long time. Meanwhile, "The Wheels on the Bus", "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and Daniel Tiger jingles run through my brain on repeat.
  4. Sometimes the twins' needs are ignored.
  5. Sometimes the baby's needs are ignored.
  6. Usually my needs are ignored.
  7. My closet during the last 2+ years has been an endless cycle of pregnant-but-not-quite-ready-for-maternity clothes, maternity clothes, even larger maternity clothes, post-pregnancy-but-not-quite-ready-for-regular-clothes, and whatever-the-hell-is-easiest-to-nurse-in tops.
  8. Which means my body has also been put through the ringer in gaining and losing a combined total of 200 pounds in the past 2 1/2 years.
  9. The laundry. There's always laundry. Frequently covered in spit-up or other bodily fluids.
  10. I used to daydream about traveling to Paris and Italy. Now I fantasize about having a live-in maid. Who's also a nanny.
  11. There are probably at least four surfaces in our house that are sticky right now. And that's just in the kitchen.
  12. People comment that I must be Supermom. I'm not. I just do what I have to do to get us through the day.
  13. The toddlers seem to think that "shhh, the baby is sleeping" is code for "you should totally scream right now. And if you can get near the baby's crib, shake it a few times for good measure".
  14. My husband and I snap at each other more, but we're also quicker to forgive. We know our irritation all comes from pure and utter exhaustion.
  15. Bedtime is both the most stressful and the most magical time of the day.
  16. Despite the tiredness, I frequently stay up late just to get some alone time. The highlight is that it's usually the first time since about 6:30 AM that someone hasn't been touching me.
  17. Thinking about having three kids in high school at the same time is terrifying.
  18. Same for paying for three in college simultaneously.
  19. Driving a minivan is non-negotiable..
  20. I both want time to speed up and slow down. Depends on the day. Or the minute.
  21. Leaving the house is at least a 30-minute process that begins with nursing the baby, moves on to negotiating with the toddlers over shoes, coats, and climbing into their carseats, and ends with pulling out of the driveway, hoping I didn't forget anything, Like a child.
  22. My husband and I are officially outnumbered. Though when we're both around, we at least have one more hand than kids. For now... 

Monday, May 9, 2016

Post (Mother's Day) Weekend

I feel like, as moms, (especially super-planner-type-A ones such as myself) (who, me?!?), we have these expectations for holidays.  We're going to wake up at this time, and everyone will be wearing these outfits (perfectly coordinating, of course), and this is what we're going to have for to eat before we do wonderful activities X, Y, and Z, and there will be NO FIGHTING because my children (and husband) will suddenly morph into perfectly well-behaved mind-readers, etc., etc., etc...

And then we wake, and juuuust settle in with our coffee to read a good book in peace and quiet, since Daddy took the two tornadoes on a shopping trip, and right then, the smallest one of all decides to fill their diaper and damn near the entirety of their sleeper with one of the most epic poop-splosions of all time.  Resulting in a swift and necessary clean-up of said sleeper, diaper, surface baby was laying on, and the entire baby himself.  Which is all completed juuuust as said tornadoes walk back in the door.

Happy Mother's Day, indeed.



(He's lucky he's cute.)

Mother's Day morning and expectations aside, it actually was a lovely day.

Quite literally:


Also please note the above photo contains three small children and it is NOT BLURRY THEY ARE ALL SITTING STILL AND SMILING IN A NEAR-PERFECT MOTHER'S DAY PHOTO OP.  WHAT THE WHAT WHOSE CHILDREN ARE THESE?!?

So that's one expectation that actually worked out.

Though I quickly ditched the above small children and joined my own mom for some Mother's Day shopping.  No pictures because we were too busy SHOPPING.  SANS CHILDREN.  It's a Mother's Day miracle!

We did regroup and meet up with lots of extended family for a patio dinner.  

And margaritas.  Another expectation fulfilled.


Also:



Flowers.

Other things we did over the weekend...


Took advantage of that 80+ degree weather outside.





Also we...


...met Daniel-freaking-Tiger.  ZOMG!

This was Caden's reaction...


...to walking in and seeing Daniel Tiger playing on the TV holy crap it's just like at my house this is the best day EVER!!!!!!11!!!!1!!


This was Caden's reaction...


...to actually meeting the somewhat terrifying 9-foot tall with a freakishly large head Daniel Tiger in person (in tiger?).  He actually had the tiniest of grins the entire time he was near Daniel, and waved and said "bye-bye" in the most adorable of ways after our mini meet-and-greet sesh was over.

Brooklyn never took her eyes off of him while we waited in line, but as soon as it was our chance, wanted pretty much nothing to do with DT beyond the safety of Daddy's arms.


There were plenty of snacks, though.  And a playground right next door.  Definite win.



Onward now, to a fairly standard week.  We'll keep those expectations to a minimum.




Sunday, May 8, 2016

An Ode to Mom Friends

It seems like I've heard it a million times now: motherhood is lonely.

It's true.  And I'm sure it's something that every mom - especially those of the stay-at-home variety - experience and think about at some point (or several).

It occurred to me the other day that this is the first time in our lives when we are constantly surrounded by people who aren't like us.  Before now, our lives have been filled with people who have been more or less the same age, intelligence, and even size as us.

Elementary, middle, high school...we were surrounded by other kids in the same grade, and if we didn't have friends in class, we quickly made them  Then came college...we moved away from home and were again surrounded by people of a similar age and life stage.  More importantly, we were ALL seeking friends.  After that we entered the work force, into a workplace with other people in a similar field, working toward similar goals, and able to socialize and connect with our co-workers on a daily basis.

Then many of us became moms.  Some of us became stay-at-home moms.  And suddenly our days are filled by a person (or two or three...) who is much smaller than we are.  And a LOT more needy and demanding.  And they certainly aren't the most stimulating or intellectual of companions, either.  (Though the amount of times they can repeat a single word, like "mommy",  or "snack", for example, is certainly impressive.)

Enter: mom friends.


We meet in playgroups, story times, coffee shops, and playgrounds.  We have at least one thing in common: these little shadows that follow us around and demand to be taken care of.  We might not meet every day, or even every week, but those playdates are ALWAYS a bright spot on our calendars.  Even if we often spend more time chasing after own our kids than finishing our conversations with each other.  It's still more adult conversation than we would ever get in otherwise.

So, here's to you, mom friends.

Thank you for showing me how to love my own kids better.  Your patience and delight in your children makes me fall more in love with mine.  You remind me how to be calm and loving, and to take breaks to watch these little minds and bodies in action.  A couple of weeks ago I met some moms for coffee (sans kids, so, y'know, PAR-TAY) and one mom of three, with another on the way, absolutely RADIATED when she talked about her children. Even while admitting that, yeah, they could be jerks sometimes.  And even though things were often hard.  But you could tell just how much she loved those little monsters, and THRIVED in the chaos.  Thank you, for reminding me to take joy in my own chaos.  (And, believe me, it is PLENTIFUL.)  And thank you for showing up for coffee.  Sometimes all we need is an hour or two to chat and bitch about our own kids before going back to the grind, a few friends and some caffeine readying us to love them fiercer, and better.  

Not that you're always perfect, mom friends.  THANK YOU FOR THAT.  If you were, it would put my own failures as a mom to even greater shame.  I see you lose your patience, when the two-year old asks for something for the 97th time, and I think OH THANK GOD IT'S NOT JUST ME.  I see you in the store, with the crying infant or tantruming toddler (or worse: both), just trying to get to the check-out lane, and want to catch your eye all, solidarity, mama, but usually don't.  Because, y'know, I have THREE KIDS WITH ME, LET'S MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!  But believe me, the intention is there.  I may also be busy sending a silent prayer up to heaven, thankful that, right now, it's not me.

I live near some of you, and far from others, but know that I love watching the photos all of you share.  I realize that life isn't always like that perfect little moment you just captured with your daughter in the sunshine, or your son all snuggled up with his lovies, but I appreciate that you took the time for a photo and a quick share.  Because that moment?  It WAS perfect, and it mattered.  I love watching your children play and discover and grow almost as much as I enjoy watching my own.  And thank you for not always editing out the laundry in the background, the toys strewn across the floor, the remnants of breakfast still on their cheeks.  A good photo crop can cover a multitude of kid crap (#beentheredonethat), but I appreciate knowing that your house looks just like mine right now.


Which would be like this...

Most of all, mom friends, thank you for making things a little less lonely.  Hope those little monsters give you the Mother's Day you deserve.

(i.e. a full night of sleep, strong coffee, a mani/pedi/massage, at least five minutes where no one says "mommy, mommy, MOMMY!", lunch drinks out with your friends, and, most importantly, a perfect and seamless bedtime routine.  Hey, a mama can dream.)


Tuesday, May 3, 2016

The Wolf Pack

Yesterday, Caden walked over to Brooklyn, who was playing contentedly on the floor, took his hand, and flat out smacked her, open-palmed, square on the forehead.

He stood there a moment.  She sat there, looking up at him.

Then they both started giggling.

Because, of course, it was hilarious.


Just this morning I was holding Nolan.  Brooklyn came over and took his little face in both her hands, very gently, and gave him a kiss on the nose.  And then, still holding his face, began to head-butt him.  They were fairly gentle head-butts.  But head-butts nonetheless.

Uh...whut???

She thought it was funny.

Nolan, not so much.

+++++

Often I find Caden and Brooklyn using the mallet for their drum, or the wooden spoon from their kitchen, or even a book, and smack each other over the head with it.  Or push over a tower that they've just built on top of their sibling, and giggle as it collapses on top of them.

+++++

It's become a sort of game, really, between Caden and Brooklyn, of running and tackling, pushing and pulling, bumping, tugging, falling, and hitting.  And they think it's just hysterical (until...it's not).

They're actually very polite about it all, taking turns doing the tackling.  "Caden!"  Brooklyn will say, pointing to the spot she was standing before he came over knocked her to the ground.  And Caden will dutifully go over to the spot she's indicating, where it's his turn to be the one tackled.  Sometimes Brooklyn even apologizes, a quick, "Saw-ee Caden!", not that it stops her from doing it again.  And again.  And again.

They don't do this with other kids (thankfully).  Only to each other.  I would be incredibly surprised, in fact, to see them tackle or push one of their little playmates.  But our house frequently has a two-player version of some type of tackle-fall-and-giggle-tag going on, with hard floors, wall corners, head bumps and all.  I usually let them go at it, (unless Nolan is involved, though he should be able to hold his own here pretty quick if he's going to survive in this family #thirdchild), since their uncontrollable laughter clearly indicates that they have so much fun with each other in these scuffles.  We have our very own toddler version of wrestle-mania going on.

It reminds me of nothing so much as a wolf pack.  Of wolf pups, fighting and nipping at one another as part of their play.

I just want to know...WHOSE CHILDREN ARE THESE?!?  Where does this all COME from? Rest assured, I do not spend my days smacking, head-butting, or tackling any of them.  I feel like I can answer the age-old anthropological debate of "is violence learned or innate" by presenting my children as Exhibits A and B.  (Answer: INNNAAAATTE.)  (Okay, at least to an extent.)  There's no "boys will be boys" type thing going on here, either, since Brooklyn instigates JUST as much as Caden does.  It's more like "two-year olds will be two-year olds".

At least they think it's funny.

I'll just keep out of my wolf pack's way.



Monday, April 25, 2016

Raising Toddlers Who Love to Read

I love to read.  Always have, always will.  I was the kid who read in the dark well past my bedtime, loved to receive books or gift cards to Barnes & Noble as presents (still do!), and had to be prodded to get off the couch with my book to "do something...why don't you go outside?!?".  (Though I do remember getting around that more than once by bringing my book and a snack outside to our deck, where I could curl up on the outdoor glider in peace. #slowdownyourebel.)  I have always been an incredibly fast reader, which leads me to read anything and everything I can get my hands on.  My dad's collection of books were fair game to me from a young age, and it seemed that more often than not I would be re-reading one book or another, having zipped through yet another stack of  new books and lacking more funds to the book store or a ride to the library.  (One reason that I am now a big fan of the e-reader...quick access to books at any hour, and even for free through the library!)


E-readers: also way easier to balance than a regular book while holding a sleeping baby...

Caden and Brooklyn also love books.  I haven't attempted to count, but their collection of books must number in the hundreds.  It helps that they have a grandma who is a librarian, and families who generally enjoy reading.  The stack of books they received for their birthday was epic (always multiplied by two, of course), and surely beat out the amount of clothes or toys they received.  Children's books of all types have taken over space in our living room (I count 37 from where I sit right now), their bedroom (including in their beds), the van, and the playroom.  They love to read both with us and by themselves, flipping through pages and pointing to favorite pictures, naming familiar animals and objects.  They often flip through a book before they go to sleep, and first thing when they wake.

I've been thinking about this lately, as it's come up in mom's groups more than once that others aren't really reading to their kids.  Or don't have that many books.  Or don't have time to read.  Or just don't think about reading with their kids.  (!!!)  I have been so surprised by these comments.  Reading to Caden and Brooklyn (and even Nolan) comes as easy as breathing to Tyson and me.  It absolutely boggles my mind to not use reading as an activity with a toddler, and is apparently an issue that more families struggle with than I ever would have realized.  I've been pondering why it comes so easily to our family, and here's what I've come up with:


We have a variety of  books.  Most are your standard board or paper picture books, but we also have a good variety of "seek and find" books (these they LOVE...they often do these by themselves, and I can tell they have several of the pages memorized), a few that make noise when you push a button, a couple that are magnetic, some "touch and feel" books, and some with flaps or moving parts.  Sometimes they even pull some of my books off of the shelf, and despite the lack of pictures will page through and babble along as they "read" to me.

We ignore the intended age level.  For example, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" says on the inside flap that it is for "ages 4-8".  I'm not exactly sure where these ages come from, but it's one of their favorite books!  It's not like we're giving a two-year old a chapter book here.  That said, some books are still too long for their attention span.  "The Little Engine That Could" is a big favorite, but Tyson and I learned early on that they have a hard time focusing on the entire story.  Now we never actually read the words, just flip through the pages and ad-lib our own version.  They don't know the difference, and love it just as much.  ("Choo-choo!")

All of us read every day.  Tyson likes to read articles, I read anything I can get my hands on, and at the very least, Caden and Brooklyn have five books read to them each day: two before nap, and three before bed at night.  (They both get to pick out one book each time, plus a Bible story in the evening, which is how we arrived at these numbers.)  Yet I don't think a day goes by that we don't find them reading at other times of the day, as well.  They often bring books to us to read throughout the day, or I find them paging through them on their own.  Even at this young age, I think it helps to recharge them.  I'll often see them rush to grab a book and take a break with it on the floor after an extended period of running around the house like maniacs.  I think they are naturally reacting to their bodies need to recharge with periods of rest between those of activity.

Our books are stored all over the house.  As I mentioned above, we have books absolutely everywhere.  The living room, the play room, the twins' room, Nolan's room, and in the car.  All of these books are within their reach and readily accessible to them at pretty much any point throughout the day.

We don't worry much about their attention span (or lack thereof).  We attend toddler story time at the library almost every week, and our favorite children's librarian stresses how normal it is for them to move around at this age.  He even leaves quiet toys out for them to play with while he reads.  And it's so true!  Frequently Caden will be wandering around or seemingly engrossed in a toy, but will suddenly react to something in the story when I had no idea he was paying attention; saying "roar!" if the book mentions a lion for example, or hopping like a frog if there is a frog in the picture.  Their little minds are able to hold onto much more at once than we give them credit for.  And if I find myself expecting them to just sit still and listen while I'm reading a story, I'm more often than not just setting us all up for failure.




Caden and Brooklyn have recently become incredibly interested in letters and numbers, wanting us to spell their names and other words repeatedly, and pointing to letters and "naming" them.  (They can always pick out "O" and "P", for example, and know that P is for "Papa!".  They can usually pick out "B" and "C" for their names, as well, and just yesterday Caden pointed to an "A" on my shirt and said "apple!".)  I fully credit this to their love of books and how often we read.  I love how much they they are interested in the alphabet and enjoy reading...even before they can actually read themselves!

A couple of resources:

Dolly Parton's Imagination Library.  We receive a new book - for free! - each month through this program, though note that it is not available in all areas.

Fisher Price Learning Letters Puppy.  Caden especially loves this app, particularly because it sings the ABCs.  It includes games for letters, numbers, shapes, and colors.

Dr. Seuss's ABC.  Free app of the book.  It can read the book to them, or older kids can read it themselves.  The text and illustrations are also interactive.

A few favorite books:

Go, Dog. Go!.  Warning: this book will take you approximately F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to read.  Of course, it's their favorite book.  Start reading three hours before bedtime at least.

First Look and Find (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the Go).  We have several of these Look and Finds, and they love them all.  Bonus: they are virtually indestructible.

Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site.  Tractors.  Need I say more.

Alphaprints ABC.  Super cute. The illustrations (THE most important part of a kid's book, in my opinion...) on each page are big and bright, and feature raised fingerprints.

Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb.  If it's possible for a book to get stuck in your head, this is it.  Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum.